Top Bonuses of Being Single

♥ being able to spread across the whole of a double bed.

♥ falling asleep to music. Music that I like.

♥ painting my nails ridiculous colours without getting grief for hours afterwards about the room smelling.

♥ never having to compromise when it comes to watching films.

♥ no more nights sat in front of the TV because somebody couldn't be bothered doing anything else.

♥ singing anywhere and everywhere.

♥ more opportunities for spontaneity.

♥ FREEDOM!

How I Avoided A Disaster

So, I used to think I was a ‘maternal’ person. You know, that it would just be a matter of time before I would have a family, and I would be this wonderful earth-mother type figure, with a loving family and friends all sitting in the kitchen waiting for me to take my home-baked bread out of the oven. Complete with home-made chutneys, made from our homegrown vegetables. Yep, the whole shebang.

I never spoke about this other than to my ex, because I was a little ashamed. In our feisty-female, independent-woman generation, I think it is sometimes viewed as a bit of a cop-out to want to start a family so young. What, you’re not even going to try to save the world before you pop a baby out? Having children is secondary, like you have to get all the other much more important things out of the way first, because once that bebé comes along you ain’t gonna have time for anything else unless you fancy tackling it whilst elbow-deep in sick and baby poo. Which I guess is kind of accurate.

I guess I made myself want that lifestyle because I was in a long-term relationship, living with my then-boyfriend we’d been together for ages, etc etc - so it seemed the next logical step and, acting of course with my best interests at heart, my brain convinced me into wanting it. The whole package. It’s good at doing that. I think my (subconscious) rationale was: I’m settled, there’s little chance of me going off and having adventures, so I might as well throw myself into the life I have and make the most of it.  

That was how I thought six months ago.

Now? No, thanks. I still love children (most especially my nieces and nephews), I enjoy spending time with them and their crazy minds – you can have better conversations with kids than you can with adults sometimes, and they look at things with a totally different mindset. I just don’t want any myself. Right now, and maybe not ever.

It’s taken me a lot of mulling over to realise this, and it takes a lot to admit it both here and to myself, because for so many years (ok, 5) my self-identity has been tied up with the image of being, at some point, a mother. Six months ago, I wanted children so much, the only thing stopping me (well, us, I thought) was financial stability.

Maybe I’ll change my mind. I do have a strong track record of doing that a lot. But now I’m single, I’m really appreciating having time, money and resources to spend on myself, and I just can’t imagine having children and giving up so much of my life, at least not for a very long time.

Until then, I’m saving my collection of Roald Dahl books for the first niece/nephew (tangent: why isn’t there a gender-neutral term for such relations?) who shows an interest in them. Or I’ll continue to read them myself, because, after all, they’re just awesome.

Two Books Down..

... And a ridiculous amount still to go! I haven't ploughed through as many books as I wanted to with this resolution; although I'm disappointed with the number of books still left in my pile, I'm just going to continue reading as much as I can once I go back to work, and hopefully I should be able to get through them in a reasonable time.

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

I am ashamed to admit that, other than A Christmas Carol, Great Expectations is the first Dickens novel I've ever read. I know a few people who really do not like him and I think I must have just been put off by their opinions, which is a shame because I now wish I'd read something of his a lot sooner.

I loved this novel. I love Dickens' writing style and turns of phrase, and the idiosyncratic names he gives to his characters are phonetically quirky and entertaining. The story itself was a good read, full of drama, good times and bad times; I realise now there is a good reason for this book being a classic!

Vanity Fair by William Thackeray

Another classic that I really enjoyed. I have to admit, I was put off by the size of the book as it's a pretty hefty tome (although my edition did have lots of appendices and notes), so I decided to get it out of the way before I went back to work, knowing it would take me even longer after that.

The novel really drew me in, and all of the characters were very engaging even if they were not all likeable. I liked the way the novel poked fun at society of the time; and the fact that it seemed not to be judging Becky Sharp in as moralistic a manner as other books of the time might have, but more watching her evil scheming with one amused eyebrow raised. The book dragged a little towards the end, but I think that was more my own impatience to find out what happened to all of the characters. For the most part, it didn't feel as long as it actually was, and I managed to get through it with enthusiasm. In fact, the only downside with the book being so long was that, immersed for so long in the language of that period, I now find myself thinking in old-fashioned speech patterns - I have the same problem when I read Jane Austen novels too...

I still have 9 books left on my list to get through; the list itself has changed slightly from the one shown in my initial post (linked above). I found a few books on my parents' shelves I wanted to add, and I'm giving up on A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth because it's just too, too massive. Also (idiot admission coming up) I realised there's no point in starting War and Peace, because the stupid girl (me) who bought it at the carboot sale failed to realise the spine clearly says "Part 1".. And I don't have Part 2. I did wonder why it was so small, I guess I just thought the print was super-tiny...

Guest post over at Skipping School

I have written a guest post for one of Kate's awesome blogs, about my experience of home education - check it out below!

http://skipping-school.com/?p=805

I am away visiting family at the moment, normal posting will resume next week.

an ode to Primark (yes really)

I'm not ashamed to admit I like Primark. It actually is awesome, you just have to see past the mess and the crowds and not go for the obvious choices that 95% of Britain's teenagers will be wearing. 

I like it because it gives me a chance to play around with trends without having to commit to a more expensive purchase. In fact, I think it's safe to say that my style would not have evolved as much as it has over the last four or five years, had I not lived or worked near a Primark. They have such fast-changing stock, virtually every trend of the season will feature in their stores at some point. This has led to my personal motto, 'if you want something, eventually it will be in Primark for half the price' - this has come true on most occasions. 

Okay, the quality isn't always that great (I wouldn't touch their bras with a bargepole), but it's not bad; I treat their items with the same care I would a more expensive garment, and I'm not afraid of getting my sewing machine out to mend something if it needs it. I certainly don't subscribe to the fast-fashion, wear-it-once-then-throw-it brigade.

I hadn't been near a Primark for well over a month, which is quite a long time for me; not just because I work only 5 minutes' away from one, but also because they can have things in that sell out after a day or so. I ventured out to one today, though, seeing as I've been feeling a bit stronger. I came out with quite a haul, and there were quite a few more bits and bobs that I wanted but I had to budget.

I love this dress. It fits perfectly, and has a nice kicky, swingy skirt. I'm planning a night out for when I get my bandage/shoe off, and this might be one of the contenders...

...Or this might be. It has a kind of threadbare effect to it so I will need to wear a vest underneath it, but it's so colourful (more so than in the above photo) and pretty I might wear this on my night out, with a bodycon skirt.

This navy crop top is so cute. It actually looked pretty good layed over the red dress above; I've yet to figure out how to wear it with other things I own. Having an evening of just trying on clothes is no fun when I have to hobble everywhere!

Another cute top. As much as I like it, I can see me not wearing this until spring/summer because of its vest-yness. Still, I will do my best, because the reason for buying this was because I want to wear more skirts and tops - it's so easy just to throw a dress on, that's pretty much my uniform.

Three AWESOME scarves. I couldn't resist any of them, Primark do so many pretty scarves I had to restrain myself at three. The spotty one and the anchor one are a satiny material, and the right size to wear as headbands. The starry one is larger, and made of a lovely snuggly fabric.

This kewl horse belt. Did I *really* need another belt with a horse on it? Well, I did need a black elastic-waist belt, the fact that it had a horse on it was just a bonus. And it was £1.

A few plain vest tops to layer under things, and a pretty ring with a rose on it.

The Book List Continued..

Another two books to tick off the list this week. I will admit I am a bit behind, considering I only have three weeks before I go back to work; I'm not happy about it, but one of the books has been so annoying it's taken me ages to get through it.

An Area of Darkness by V.S. Naipaul

I quite liked this, though not on the same scale as the previous two books from my list. His descriptions of India are very evocative, and I liked the honesty of his struggle to reconcile his heritage with the country in front of him. It was a little difficult at times, mostly when he was writing about politics; though I guess that's more my problem than the author's as I do struggle to read about politics and stay awake sometimes. 

The Unconsoled by Kazuo Ishiguro

This was the annoying one. It's easily the worst book (in my opinion) that I've read for a long time, and if it wasn't on the list I would have shoved it back to languish on the shelf for another three years. As it is, the one good thing that's come out of this is that I can get rid of it now and never have to look at it again.

The narrative reads like a dream; but with none of the crazy fantastical things that happen in dreams, only the strange malleability that makes events seem fluid and constantly changeable, with the supporting characters acting strangely and illogically. For that reason alone, I found the book extremely annoying; if I wanted to experience a boring dream I would turn the light off and go to sleep. Another thing I found annoying was the protagonist’s lack of drive; he was always swept along by other events or characters, seemingly content to go along with what was happening and only occasionally showing mild annoyance if his plans were disrupted or he was inconvenienced. He wasn't a very likeable character at all. 

I am aware the book has received extremely mixed reviews, and despite the above I can certainly appreciate why some people consider it to be a great work of art; it is extremely innovative. I guess I just like my literature escapes from reality to follow the usual conventions. The ending was a complete anti-climax; in fact, very little happened throughout the book at all in terms of action or even an underlying message. I suppose for me, it felt like a really boring Alice in Wonderland.

Hopefully the next books I read will be more enjoyable than The Unconsoled. I'm quite disappointed I didn't like it, because I loved Never Let Me Go so much. Oh well, onwards and upwards!

Got Ink? (Or, A Story of Permanence)

On Friday I did something I've been planning on doing for several months, and got tattooed. Two, to be precise. I know that, despite their increasing prevalence in mainstream society, many people are quite averse to tattoos, sometimes only because of the pain of having them done. Others are reluctant because of the permanence of the image and they hesitate to make such a commitment. 

 My latest tattoo, taken straight after it being finished. My arm is shiny because the tattooist covered it in Vaseline, I do not gleam like that naturally!

I, on the other hand, adore them. Don't get me wrong, I don't like all tattoos indiscriminately, nor do I like them for the sake of it being 'unconventional' or because it looks 'hard'. No, for me I admire the beauty in tattoos; what could be more beautiful than having a work of art on your own body, to carry with you wherever you go at all times? Yes, it's a work of art that can't be removed (most of the time), but it's a commitment I, at least, am prepared to make. We can never know whether what we do now will be regretted by our future selves, but on balance I think I'd rather make the jump for something beautiful now and risk getting bored of it, than look back on the past and wish I'd been brave enough.

While I can't speak from a huge amount of experience, having only had my first tattoo done in 2009, I do think that the reason behind the individual tattoo can be a factor in whether you tire of the tattoo or not. Both of my tattoos were done to mark different points of my life; not necessarily in celebration or mourning, but simply to acknowledge a change and to act as a pin against that part of the drawing board of my life. When I look at the first tattoo I had done, I am reminded of the things I was doing and thinking at that time, the changes I was going through and the meaning the image in particular had for me.

None of my tattoos (well, except a really teeny-tiny one I've just had done) have been done on a whim, and the images themselves had been pondered over and doodled for some time - with my first one, there was a period of two years between the initial sketch and actually getting it done! So I have had plenty of time to think about how much I want the tattoo, how it will look, and where I will have  it.

the teeny-tiny tattoo, on the back of my neck. Excuse the blurriness, it really is rather tiny.

Of course, it does also help to have an extremely experienced and talented tattoo artist! I would never have a tattoo done by someone I didn't trust nor have faith in the quality of their work. It's also important to go to someone with whom you feel able to discuss any tweaks or minor changes you want to the image. I think the process is a little similar to having your haircut, but on a larger scale; you're putting your trust in a (usually) complete stranger to make a potentially-quite-severe alteration to your physical exterior, and if that person is not approachable or not listening to your suggestions, then it might be better to find someone else who does.

My first tattoo; picture taken a few hours after having it done, in June 2009

Unfortunately, you can love an image all you want, there's no getting away from the fact that having a tattoo will 100% definitely HURT. How much it hurts depends on your individual tolerance/pain threshold, and I guess how good you are at distracting yourself from it. I find the black outline to be less painful than any colouring in/shading; I would say it actually feels very similar to epilating your legs, for anyone out there who is bothered enough (me included!) to have done such a thing. It's also quite an easy kind of pain to distract yourself from; for example, by focusing on your breathing, making light conversation (if the tattooist isn't concentrating too hard!), or finding something nice to look at in the vicinity. I have even found that it actually feels less painful when I can actually watch the tattoo being done - but that's just me, and I already know I'm quite weird so don't blame me if that particular tip doesn't work for you.

I thought that the tattoo I've just had done would sate my appetite, and the pain immediately afterwards did that job quite well. Now it's starting to heal though, there are little thoughts and voices in the back of my mind...... So, the questions now are, what to have next, and where?

Today I Sent an Email to a Writer I Have Admired for Many Years

It's a strangely discomforting thing; sending an email to someone who is to all intents and purposes a stranger, yet you feel you know them from the confessions and detail in their writing. Particularly when the purpose of emailing them is to tell them how much you admire them and how awesome you think they are. I was scared to begin, in fact I almost dec ided against it. Then, I almost wanted to preface the email with an apology for wasting her time. I think that must be a British thing. It's a habit I need to get out of, fact.

Then I told myself to stop and really think about what I was doing. In my job, I have to deal with complaints. Every. Single. Day. It seriously is a day to be noted when a complimentary letter comes through the magical waterfall of email communications.

The simple fact of the matter is that time is precious, and while people are often quick to spend their time composing a complaint in the hope of making something better, who wants to spend their time telling somebody they're doing fine, actually, so don't change a thing? Status quo, what ain't broke and all that.

However. That same person would probably be delighted to receive a compliment. Even without considering my bias of negatively-worded correspondence I deal with for a living, I personally am always lifted when, for example a stranger in the street compliments me on my clothing. In fact, it happened last week and my day was significantly cheerier for it. Not that I want to derail to a conversation about my fantastic style.

Everybody likes a compliment, and I do think it's such a shame that in society so much more emphasis is placed on a negative comment than a positive one. Saying nice things is, somehow, such an effort, like it's so much harder than giving a compliment. Is that because good = boring, non-event? I'm not sure. But I'm doing my bit to redress the balance in my life, at least. I have started to make an effort to show the people in my life how they are appreciated, because it is so easy to take the gestures of family and friends for granted. If somebody at work is looking particularly well-dressed or has a nice haircut, I will always tell them. At first I felt shy and awkward for saying so, but gradually it has become not just easy, but in fact one of my traits in that I will nearly always have something nice to say.

So I decided to practice this on a larger scale. A month or so ago I emailed a blogger I particularly admired, purely to express my love for her blog and her writing. Then, this evening, I finished reading a book I received as a Christmas present, by a writer whom I have followed and loved since I was a child. I loved that book so hard, I finished it in a matter of hours. It expressed everything I have thought and felt about many of the subjects covered, while at the same time being hilarious, endearing, and sometimes poignant.

The strong feelings I had about this book were sufficient enough to overcome my fear and hesitancy, and actually send an email to the author to say how much I loved her work. Did I feel more than a tiny bit vulnerable, revealing my admiration and respect to a complete stranger? Absolutely. But, at the end of it all, compliments are always appreciated, and it is Christmas. And I had two G&Ts in quick succession earlier.

And, if you were wondering about the book in question? It is How To Be A Woman, by Caitlin Moran